A life I have to make a difference

Perhaps this is life I have to accept.. Making decisions.. I finally know that there's no mutual decision.. There's only option 1 and 2.. I don't want to be the 1.. But it's always I have to choose.. Either 1 of these would change another.. Pick 1.. Goes another.. And this decision always comes.. Is this a curse? Why am I always the 1 to choose? If I choose 1 of them another will be bad.. Either 1 I choose.. I gain nothing and lose something.. And if I don't choose.. I lose everything.. What is going on? I'm broken all the way to the very core of my heart where all my troubles come crashing on me.. I'm the 1 being in middle of everything and I have to make 1 decision.. 1 decision that will cause either way go bad or either way difficult..I can't seem to make the right decisions.. Everything left unsaid I have to make the decision to choose.. I can't escape no matter how far I run.. What made me like this.. I guess It's fated in me.. I know where i stand in every ones eyes finally.. I'm just a puppet.. God sent me down to show the world what a twisted minded puppet he can create.. To let me know.. How suffering is life.. I guess in my past life I've been a bad person.. Maybe something bad.. Until God punished me to be on this life.. To suffer.. To bear all the pain.. All the fear.. And i realised I'm a plague to people.. Same time I'm a tool.. Used or not is the people's decision.. Maybe this is the fact I have to face..